Wednesday, May 25, 2005

My experiments with lies

As my time on this job and company draws to a close, it isn't a bad idea at all to think about how these (almost) three years have been. Well, I guess I'll have to unlearn a few things over the next few years and a few things that I've learnt here would stand me in good stead in the future.

One important lesson is about hyperbolizing. If you are good at jargon, using it carefully can have tremendous results in the short term. For this to work, you have to keep the interaction levels with others to minimal which is easily achievable in a tech. company (if it provides its staff with internet ;-)). Now, on one of those rather rare occasions when there is an interaction with others, like a team-meeting or something, bide your time and lie low for a few minutes and wait for an opportunity which gives ample scope for your tech babble, but remember to keep it brief. Generally ppl don't ask questions about something they don't know, so a lot of things can be passed off as facts. But some discretion is advisable. And its paramount that you avoid going to the board to draw something when you are not sure.

Middle level managers and colleagues hate ppl who take initiative when there superiors are involved. One has to avoid doing this completely. It is not always a good idea to have ideas, save them for your own company. Team leads love guys who stay on their seats and keep typing endlessly, find a good chat site or old DOS games but don't get up from that wretched seat to talk to your friend who sits two cubicles away... Use the phone but stay seated.

It hardly matters to most organizations if you like or dislike the work, their only concern is to get the job done. So, NEVER EVER make an issue out of work, its good to drop subtle hints but make an issue and they'll screw you.

As time progresses, it helps to keep expectations of others to around 60% of your ability. This gives you ample opportunity to supposedly 'outperform' yourself around the appraisal time. As for initial stages, never work at your best, show them that you are working, put in long hours, make documents peripheral to your work but as far as the actual task is concerned, never try to finish it much earlier than planned date. Project managers don't like to adjust their schedules, therefore, it is advisable to sit on your completed work for some time.

There is another thing about honesty. I've learnt that honesty is very important. And it is very useful too, provided it is used in right quantities and at right times. I can even go on to say that partial honesty is the best policy. Being partially honest gives you a lot of space to maneuver. In all difficult circumstances when a choice or an answer is difficult to provide, it is best to provide a partially honest answer and depending upon the future course of events, you can always adjust accordingly. It hardly pays to go up to your boss and say that you are finding something difficult.

It is also sometimes important to stay back after office hours when the deadlines are approaching regardless of the status of the work, it gives an air of commitment to you.

While planning, some managers ask for 'specific unknown issues' that can arise and you won't be an expert unless you can provide the estimated time taking into account these specific unknown issues. And teamwork is a lot about doing what the team lead says.

Be in good terms with 'quality', throughout the year the boss will concur that it is a pain, but come appraisal time and he'll kill you with this double edged sword.

And it is important to laugh at manager's jokes.

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Disclaimer: Results vary with these approaches depending upon your confidence and personality. If all else fails, you can try plain old hard work instead...

Monday, May 23, 2005

The rant of a soon-to-be-jobless, disoriented and ignorant ex-techie...

Yup, I've finally done it and it kind of feels weird. I won't have a job in 2 weeks time and before I get to K on 22nd, I'd be part of a statistic which I've never been before. Well, I'd be joining the "no. of educated unemployed in India". Its a weird feeling because I had everything that one could hope for: a fat salary, a loving family, few responsibilities and usually free weekends.

But I'm leaving all that behind in search of something which has been evading me, I'm trying to figure out the calling of my life. As of this 23rd day of May, 2005, I don't know what I want to do with this life.

Just had a prolonged discussion with my French manager who didn't do me any favours by saying this after getting my views on a few things,

"Ankur, I'm worried for you. You are not ready for managing people"...

phew....

He told me to do 3 things:

1. Base your decision on more information. Theres nothing called too much information.
2. In life, base your decisions on good experiences and not negative ones.
3. Read a book on personal management. 'Responsibilize' yourself ;-)

Of these, I'm making 2. as a thumb rule for my life, now onwards...

Actually it feels wonderful to talk to someone who is much more sensible and maturer than you. One thing I liked about this discussion was that at no point he seemed like trying to cover the ass of the management for my disillusionment, but he always had genuinely good things to suggest.
Time for lunch....

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Following God on One-Laned highways,
A Pilgrimage to Salasar

I visited the holy temple of Hanumanji at Salasar over the weekend. It was a 300 KM drive from Delhi and what a drive it was! I've had my fair share of long drives and state highways but this was my first time into Rajasthan & western part of Haryana. Roads were remarkably good at some places where one couldn't stop marveling about the progress that we have made and they were pathetic at other places which made you wonder at the contradictions!!!

For no reason at all, there came a dream stretch, a well laid road with sparse traffic where you could easily hit 140-150 kmph but then there was a stretch of around 30 Kms which was single laned and had heavy traffic! One particular stretch was nightmarish, the road was about 3 mts above the ground, it was surrounded by sand dunes, not a living-thing in sight and suddenly there came a speeding bus from the opposite direction. As things stand on our roads, the bigger your vehicle, the bigger the drivers ego. Needless to say, my car was hanging precariously on more occassions than one...

Once I reached the approach road to Salasar, I came to know there was another route (although longer) from Jaipur and the moment I saw that road it just occured to me that whenever Lord Balaji would decide to grant a visit to this temple, he would surely be taking NH - 11, the other route is almost treacherous!

That apart I had a jolly good time with my family. For me, a day well spent with my family is the biggest joy on earth and sadly, these days would be few and far in between for the next two years. Also, I crossed the town of Lakshman Garh en-route. The imposing fort there will remain etched for some time. All in all, despite the fact that I drove for 14 hours and almost non-stop, it was a pleasurable journey.

BTW, Its Sangla next for me. Deep in the Himalayas and 700 KMs from Delhi...

Monday, May 16, 2005

Marry. Go Round...

I'm now 85, and thankfully thats not my age. I've gained a whopping 10Kgs in the last six months. Fortunately, being a punjabi I'm still some distance getting and looking like Gabdu...
But what an year it has been! On 12th May 2004 when my sister got married, I was all of 66. 20 Kgs in one year...
8-D

Monday, May 09, 2005

Kaal

I had a debilitating headache since yesterday. Actually, I happened to watch Kaal and my mind did not stop working ever since. I was trying to figure out the reasons behind making such a mistake, err... movie. It would be some brainwave, one must admit, which could inspire someone to venture into making Kaal.

Finally, Over one of those regulation ST Cafeteria lunches, I cracked the mystery. I now wonder what took me so long? The reason is so apparent and it cries to get noticed in the first five minutes itself. Yup, SRK had a hormonal surge, there wasn't another "chhaiya chaiyya" in sight, he teamed up with his old friend Karan Johar and they had SRK jigging and gigging with Malaika Arora for a couple of days.

Once they had this item song ready, they thought that they might well make a movie out of it. So they picked up the cheapest option for a story, a debutant (will-work-for-food) director, and a motley star cast. They never paid the stars anything, if you don't believe me, just have a look at Vivek Oberoi's expressions. Such uneasiness can only come either from severe constipation or major exploitation. The expressions of the rest of the cast do not suggest that Vivek's constipated, therefore, I deduce that Vivek and others weren't paid a dime for the movie. Afterall, it was SRK's movie. Ajay Devgan too sleepwalked through the movie, I think if Roshan Taneja does some good marketing, he has a prospective student in Ajay Devgan.

All that apart, I think SRK is a pervert. He is making a fool out of so many people just to get some kicks.

eeeeeks....

Friday, May 06, 2005

FAITH

The summer can be particularly harsh in the month of June in Delhi. It is also the time when most of the schools reopen after long vacations. Rahul’s school too was opening the next day. Rahul thought that he needed a new pencil box, the one he had seen a couple of weeks ago at the stationery shop. He was with his mother then and she told him that he can have it once the vacation ends. So Rahul took fifty rupees from her mother and went to the stationery shop. Rahul was there in no time at all but the last day of the vacations meant it was busy time at the shop.
The box was for forty rupees but the shopkeeper mistook the fifty rupee note for a hundred rupee one and returned sixty rupees. Rahul got nervous, he took a couple of careful steps backwards, turned like nothing had happened and just strolled out of the shop. But the moment he was sure that he was out of sight, he ran as if his life depended on it, he wanted to vanish into thin air and reappear at some place far-far away. Not only his body but his mind was racing as well, what would he do with the sixty rupees, even if he returned ten since the box was up for forty rupees, he was still left with fifty.
Returning these fifty to the shopkeeper was the last thing he would do. Giving it to mother would surely mean loosing the money and a sound dressing down. “Ice Cream”, it was hot but he wasn’t in a mood to spend fifty rupees on ice cream, “no surely not”. He thought of buying the tennis ball that he had wanted but father had said that fifty rupees was too much for a tennis ball, and today if he saw the ball with him, Rahul wouldn’t be able to answer his questions. “Not the tennis ball”. He thought of going to Ravi’s home and discussing but he didn’t want to share, not with Ravi atleast, remembering how he had behaved last week when he bought a new car. He wondered how beggars got off by spending other peoples money.
He thought of burying the money but soon realized the stupidity of the idea, it was evening already and surely someone would see him. How stupid it would feel to come and find the money gone. “But what about hiding it in the book shelf?” The thought of his mother discovering that money made him queasy. He didn’t want her to think that his son was stealing or something.
Rahul’s mind was in a muddle. He wasn’t sure what to do with the money. He just couldn’t think of anything. There was a temple on the way back home. Rahul put the money in the donation box of the temple. With a heavy heart he headed back home. Father was already home and he had bought that tennis ball for him. And his Mother was serving Ice Cream.

In my opinion, the author has attempted to look at the (rather shaky) foundations of faith but probably the story is a lot open-ended than the author would have liked. What do YOU think?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

What keeps me busy and other stories...

Well,

I happened to visit Om Book Shop in the Metropolitan Mall over the weekend and as a result, I'm currently reading

1. The Origin of Brands
2. Catch-22
3. The McKinsey Way
4. What They don't teach you at Harvard Business School.
5. Made in America

I 've wanted to read 2 & 3 for long but somehow could never manage. I got 2 and 5 as gifts from a few close friends. A friend bought 3 from Bangalore for me and I haven't cared to pay as yet, and I've bought 1 & 4.

As I've been reading Catch 22, I was just wondering that Heller's sense of humor is quite similar to that of Nagrajan, if, infact, Nagrajan (or Heller for that matter) has one... I'm completely 'sold' after reading first fifty odd pages of Brands, although I think there are more exceptions than Ries' would admit. McKinsey is basically a 'satsang' kind of book, probably we all know whatever the author(a former consultant at McKinsey) is writing but still shelling out money to read it. "What they..." is interesting and some of the points that IMG's Mark McCormack makes are really really good, sort of a must-read but for the fact that Mark McCormack has either portrayed himself in such a way or he really is a real BIG shot. I already knew that he was a bit of a high flier but probably in every paragraph he mentions that he was having lunch with X or a dinner meeting with Y or he had already met Z a couple of times, where X,Y and Z all are either Vice Presidents/would-be-presidents/presidents of USA or some big corporate honchos. Sportsmen do figure but not that prominently!!! Finally "Made In America" is alright but I don't like Sam Waltons style of having a couple of paeans about him by others on every other page. Probably writing the book was some sort of ego massaging for Walton.

Will post my final impressions once I'm through with them.

Next In Line

1. Theory of Everything (heard of it from a friend)
2. The making of McDonalds
3. Absolut
4. House of Lies : How Management Consultants Steal Your Watch and Then Tell You the Time.