Khakee -> Review

Khakee

27th January 2004

A friend pointed out that there always is a set pattern about my reviews, starting with director's credentials. To stay away from cliches, I decided to change the pattern. And what better opportunity than writing the review for Khakee.

Not very long ago, people who are from my generation or thereabouts were sort of programmed by their elders, siblings or friends that Amitabh Bachchan is the best we have. Of course, those who said this had grown up on Zanjeer, Deewar, Trishul, Satte Pe Satta, Muqaddar ka Sikander, Coolie and scores of other movies. Bachchan had proved himself to them. For my generation, the verdict was already there. Agneepath, Shahenshah, Main Azaad hoon and Hum just reinforced it. The next generation saw Bachachan in Lal Badshah, Kohram, Major saab, Suryavansham, Mohabbatein, Armaan and Baghban. None of them doing justice to the great abilities of the original super star. His new persona, crafted out of the success of KBC, was hardly greater than Cyrus Broacha for this new generation. And the sort of roles he did, despite of his creditable performances, he was just a character artist.

Raj Kumar Santoshi, over the years, has been making perfect formula films. Although an occassional Lajja and Chinagate are minor aberrations. For Khakee, Santoshi has himself written the story, and penned the dialogues as well. And perhaps with Khakee, he has shown the new generation what Amitabh Bachchan is all about.

Khakee is a story of five cops who set off to bring an alleged ISI agent to Mumbai from the hinterland of ChandanGarh (not chandigarh!). The politician and the MLA from ChandanGarh aided by the DCP of police don't want the man to get to Mumbai, because he has a damning story to tell. They use a failed cop, Ajay Devgan, to stop Bachchan.

Ajay Devgan sets out to confront and beat Bachchan. And to settle old scores as well. Amitabh has Akshay Kumar and Tusshar Kapoor for company. Akshay Kumar puts in a delightful performance as the crooked cop but fails miserably when some real histrionics are needed. Tusshar Kapoor as the young and honest recruit is adequate and for a change the heroine(?), Aishwarya Rai has a significant role to play in the movie.

This is not a review, this is a paean in praise of that magnificient actor who finally has got a role where he can play his age, and importantly, play the hero as well. And when Bachchan performs, everyone is dwarfed in comparison. As the upright and honest cop, Bachchan delivers a sensational performance. He towers above the others. Right from the first shot, Amitabh Bachchan is in splendid form. Not to take any credit away from Khakee, technically its brilliantly executed. But in each scene in which Amitabh acts, looks like a lesson in acting. And being spell bound, you can't differentiate whether its the dialogues or the delivery, whether its splendid cinematogrpahy or its just Bachchans presence in the shot alone. See it to believe it. Even if you are not a Bachchan fan, or you used to be one, Khakee will have you hooked. Although Bachchan is the main course, it has plenty of assortments in the form of some very interesting twists. Its a gourmet's delight. Winner all the way.

Thanks Raj Kumar Santoshi.

P.S. I saw Ek Hasina thi last week, but due to my limitation of not being able to judge anything neutrally which involves the perenially distressed damsel Urmila, I didn't review it. Ek haseena thi is surely different but it also has Urmila. The choice is yours.

LoC -> Review

Loc Kargil

12th January 2004

Long before J.P.Dutta made Border (1997, I think), he had made Kshartiya, Sarhad, Hathyar, Batwaara, Yateem and Ghulami. A couple of them watchable but generally stuff characteristic of hindi cinema of late 80's, cliched. These movies generally had Dharmendera and were either about Thakurs or about Dacoits. But for Border, he was like any ordinary director. Sometimes success has this halo associated with it which blinds your past behind you. And with no one but J.P.Dutta, it is, especially true.

I won't dwell on why Border was a hit, and how Border proved that war films were an idea whose time had come in Mumbai film industry. We definitely loved every second of Border. Period. I'll come to Loc straight away.

And coming to LoC, it certainly had a remarkable opening, managed to watch it after three failed attempts to get a ticket. A film running for better part of four hours, ticket priced exorbitantly at 150 bucks, 32 heroes, Border fresh in memories, a theme close to any Indians heart, magnificient publicity and expectations were sky high.

I generally don't read other peoples reviews but LoC certainly evoked some sharp reactions. "Stale" said one, "Too long, Too bad" said another but before I get into any details, I must point out that any one who is a hot-blooded young Indian would like this movie. Whatever be its merits and demerits, this film does instil a sense of pride about our beloved motherland and can evoke emotions from the most hardened of souls.

The story is well-known, terrorists backed by the paki army control some crucial points across the LoC on our side, our army wrests them back. It loses some 600 young soldiers in the process and question marks raised over pushing the infantry using men alone as weapons. Besides this JP uses three or four regiments and tells their story, J&K rifles, Jat Regiment, Gurkha Regiment and how they capture various peaks. Now, the idea of having 32 leading male artists has been a bit of a puzzle for many. In my opinion, JP wanted to show that each soldier, each batallion, each platoon had an equally important role to play. He wasn't showing just the battle of Longewala this time, he was trying to show the 'Kargil war' itself with very many battles inside it. Onerous task, one must admit. And in just four hours, unachievable I must confess. You can not do justice to everyone in such a situation, and in the process of giving footage to every one, you cut down on the intensity of a typical battle which you could have otherwise portrayed. The tension which was so palpable in Border isn't quite there in LoC.

Of all the years of watching movies, I feel exaggeration is a very important part of cinema. Infact, it is exaggeration which separates a documentary from a movie. How this exaggeration is done is the art of movie making. J.P.Dutta has tried to make his film extremely authentic but to do justice to those great real life heroes (God bless their families), JP should have indulged a bit. I know war is no place to show indulgence when you want to portray its futility but what JP's real life heroes have done in the movie, our regular hindi film heroes have been doing since ages and single-handedly. Perhaps JP should have used his creative license a bit more freely, he was making a film and not a documentary.

All in all, it is difficult to pass verdicts on movies which deal with war, violence and emotions. Varied people have varied takes on them. I certainly found LoC to be my money's worth but I am not making any recommendations. It is not your usual drawing room popcorn patriotism where there is a bit of slam, zap and bang and terrorists are running for their lives from Kashmir. It is a heart wrenching story of young officers and loyal soldiers who have died fighting for their nation. No glamour in it.

Performance wise, there is nothing like Sunny Deol of Border, no one gets enough reels to show case histrionics. But in their small roles Ajay Devgan, Akshaye Khanna and Abhishek Bachchan do manage to leave a mark. Ashutosh Rana and Manoj Bajpai are excellent as the two namesakes. Others either I have forgotten or had forgettable roles. As for female leads, everyone is adequate except Kareena Kapoor. I'm at a loss of words to describe her acting (if any). Her expressions do not convey anything, and her dialogue delivery is irritating to say the least. For me, she blots an otherwise polished performance by Saif Khan.

One grudge against the film-maker. With real life characters, he should have put a small slide towards the end telling which character was decorated with what honours. We remember PVC Capt. Vikram Batra vividly from NDTV and Barkha Dutt's coverage and we know Suneil shetty's, Manoj Bajpai and Ajay Devgans characters were the other PVC's but for the rest as they say, public memory is notoriously short.

To sum up, JP should get back to Sunny Deol as superman or Dharmendera as the man with the golden heart. Experiment all right but there are responsiblities too when depicting such things.

Munnabhai MBBS -> Review

Munnabhai MBBS

22nd December 2003


Now aren't all of us bored to hell by 'bhai' films. Doesn't the Mumbaiya lingo sound stale, jaded and all the same every time. Vidhu Vinod Chopra has been churning trash with 'Kareeb' and 'Mission Kashmir' but thankfully atleast with some good music. For those of you who have seen the promos, Munnabhai's music, hardly is, music. But wait, give it a look, and you won't be disappointed. Munnabhai MBBS is a winner from the first shot.

Rajkumar Hirani, who edited Mission Kashmir, has the directors reins in is hands and has he done a good job or what!!! Hirani has co-written Munnabhai with Chopra and the result is a rib tickling comedy.

It is the story of a small time gangster Munnabhai (Sanjay Dutt) and his loyal and extremely lovable sidekick Circuit (Arshad Warsi). Every year when his father, Hari Prasad Sharma (Sunil Dutt) visits him, he transforms his 'adda' into "Hari Prasad Sharma Charitable Hospital", Munnabhai becomes Dr. Murali Prasad Sharma, Circuit becomes Dr. Sirkeshwar and the side cast either becomes doctor or the patient. Laughs come aplenty scene after scene. Sunil Dutt even recognizes one of the patients and asks him "ki bhai tum pichchle saal bhi yahan the...".
The story takes a dramatic turn when the father realizes that all is not what it seems and is heart broken, so our gangster with a golden heart decides to become a doctor. Through his crooked means he clears the entrance and enters Mumbai's most prestigious "Imperial medical college".. What follows tickles your funny bone endlessly.

Comedy as a facet of film-making hasn't been that big a feature of hindi cinema. We have had an occasional "Chupke-Chupke", "Jaane bhi do yaaron" and "Coolie no. 1" but mostly the comedy in hindi films has been driven by some slapstick jokes or an occasional dialog. As you'd see that in all these films, the comedy emerges from the right man being in the wrong place. Munnabhai is a classic, i reiterate a classic, in this sense. A 40 year old don amongst the class of 19 year olds, sharing a room with someone, attending dissection classes, being thrown out of the lectures and being ragged, and all the while playing his own character and his own age. Never mind if it is too impractical or too unrealistic, it is extremely funny.

Munnabhai is essentially a situational comedy, there is not an iota of cheapness or vulgarity about it. Although the story of a bhai, not a single drop of blood is shed excluding Munnabhai's own antics to stay in the hospital. There is no violence, just plain good natured humor. It is a study where you get to know the difference between the story and the screenplay. There isn't much of a story about Munnabhai but the treatment and the execution of each comedy sequence is out of top drawer. Dialogs are first rate, expect the word 'Mamu' to become a common vocabulary all over in a months time. Music is situational, "Subah ho gayee Mamu" by Shaan sounded irritating but when seen in the context of the movie, its sensational.

What lifts the film are the riveting performances by Sanjay Dutt, Arshad Warsi and Boman Irani (Dr. Asthana, the dean of the medical college). Take your pick, each one is better han the other. Sunil Dutt and Gracy Singh are incidental. Supporting cast supports well, don't know what Jimmy Shergill is doing in the movie.

All in all, it is a not a movie to be missed, watch it and preferably today... total paisa vasool, infact, upset by a string of uninspiring films I chose not to watch any movies for a long time... Glad I started again with Munnabhai...

sssshhh... -> review

sssshhh...

27th October 2003


"sssshhh..." is a movie by Pavan Kaul, its instructive to remember that the same guy also made a serial by the same name on Star Plus a year or two ago. And that serial wasn't anything to write home about. "sssshhh..." the movie is a suspense thriller, coming close on the heels of "Samay".

The movies teasers have been done stylishly building tremendous curiosity, despite the fact that the movie doesn't have any big names to boast of. Its a big risk making a film where your lead actors are Karan Nath, with a 100% failure record, Dino Morea, universally acknowledged non-actor and Tanisha, who could give WWF's Chyna a complex with her scary built. And to top it all, Pavan Kaul has chosen a genre which is never easy to execute, everything has to fall in place for a suspense thriller to work, the script, camerawork, performances, background score, editing et al. The only successful suspense thriller in the last ten-fifteen years that comes to my mind which had everything right was Abbas-Mastan's 'Khiladi'. And Pavan Kauls only movie before this was the eminently forgettable Pooja Bhatt-Aditya Pancholi starrer 'Chor aur Chand' (good music though). The odds are stacked heavily against the director. And does he succeed??? Well, Yes and No.

It is intuitive to look at a movie as a one-day cricket match. "sssshhh..." starts with a murder of Maheks (Tanisha) sister. Events start unfolding rapidly with the killer making an emphatic entry within the first twenty minutes. 70/0 in 15 overs. And then the movie meanders aimlessly into the lifes of the college friends Rocky(Dino), Suraj(Karan), Mahek and Rajat(Gaurav Kapoor). Although, the killer in the mask of a joker keeps making his presence felt off and on. It starts getting lousy at times due to amatuerish performances, especially by Tanisha. 130/4 in 35 overs. The film again starts gathering momentum when this group of friends move to Thailand for a break. The camerawork and locations both in Shimla and in Thailand are first rate. Fireworks in slog overs before the interval. 240/8 in 50 overs.

A problem with "Samay" which thankfully isn't there in "sssshhh..." is the fact that till the very last reel when the identity of the killer is revealed you have no clues. It keeps the audience guessing. Anyway, the second half of the movie is shot in Thailand at the breathtaking locales of an island. An island where there is no one except this group of friends and the killer itself. The killer starts eliminating the members of the group one by one. The movie seems to score at a reasonably good run rate but never quite reaches the required run rate. 70/3 in 25 overs. There are sequences meant to portray the love triangle which are not quite useless but needed to be dealt with a bit more sensitivity. They flop due to the lack of acting abilities of the trio. 150/6 in 40 overs. The tension starts building up once again as all the characters but for the lead three are slaughtered. You don't know whether its Dino or Karan Nath. And theres a twist in the tale too. Sting in the tail in cricketing jargon. Last minute fireworks. But they fail to repair the damage that has already been done.

On the positive side "sssshhh..." has some excellent locations and cinematography. It is gripping in parts and music too is above average but on the flip side, the placement of songs, the unskilled performances and a loose screenplay leave a lot to be desired.

"sssshhh..." is like a cricket match which is hard fought but not with much intensity. The second innings never takes off, although, the tail tries to make some amends but one shouldn't expect the bowlers to do the batters job. Its like Kenya chasing Zim's 240. You'll watch it only if you are a die hard cricket fan, Similary watch "sssshhh..." if you are a die hard movie fan. Otherwise sit at home and enjoy the weather.

Samay -> Review

Samay - "When time strikes"

15th October 2003


There has not been much much publicity or much hype around Samay. And it is quite understandable when you have a debutante director(again!) and no real stars (with due respect to Sushmita Sen). Samay does not have much for a music score and looks like a fast paced thriller in the teasers. Briefly you dont know what to expect from Samay.

Samay falls in a genre which has been scarcely attempted by the Mumbai Industry. As far as my memory serves me, I do not know of any hindi movie which is based on the story of a cop and a serial killer. Sounds promising. It is the story of ACP Malavika, IPS (Sushmita Sen) who is investigating a series of murders which she thinks are linked. It is extremely rare for main protagonists of our films to be wrong, Samay is no exception either. Linked they are and are the handiwork of a serial killer (would be unfair to reveal the identity). The story is how the ACP reaches the killer or interestingly and more accurately, how the killer reaches the ACP. The killer infact, leaves clues at every point for the ACP to decipher. The Movie is fast paced and lots of things happen in quick succession. Robby Grewal, it seems had a clear idea what he wanted to do with the movie.

Samay, in fact, is an experiment which is partially successful. The film does not meander one bit, the mother-daughter relationship (Sushmita is a single-mother) which looks extremely corporeal and plastic, too has its significance which is revealed only towards the end. Performances are adequate without being brilliant and so is the background score, which I feel, is the soul of the films of this genre. The script is fairly taut without being too tense. But on the flip side, there are numerous pitfalls. Firstly, Sushmita Sen as the I-Know-all and invulnerable cop tends to get over bearing at times. Secondly, not only it is important that the identity of the black sheep remains a mystery but the director has to ensure that none of the others besides the main protagonist are beyond the circle of doubt. In Samay, the needle of suspicion moves away from each character as soon as it starts pointing at them. Disappoinitng.

On the whole, Samay is a mixed bag. Go for it if you dont have anything better to do. As for me, I came out thinking about what could have been instead of what was...

Passable...

Bhoot -> Review

1st Jun 2003

BHOOT->"Darna mana hai!!!"

First of all, let me lift the lid off, those umpteen mails that we received which proclaimed that there was no 'bhoot' in 'bhoot' were off the beam... there very much is a 'bhoot' in 'bhoot' and unfortunately that is just about the only interesting thing about 'bhoot'.

Bhoot was one of the most eagerly awaited films ever, much hype was generated as it had everything going for it... great cast(any takers for Urmila???), great publicity and a director who dares to be different...
but its more of a horrible than a horror film. High on hype and low on content, its almost 'Daud' revisited.

Vishal (Ajay Devgan) and Swati (Urmila) are projected as a happily married couple whose life takes an unexpected turn when they shift to a haunted house... there is no chemistry going between Ajay Devgan and Urmila although Ajay Devgan pitches in with anhonest(not exceptional) performance. Urmila's expressions look tired and much used...

Nana Patekar, Rekha, Tanuja, Fardeen Khan all make their appearences post-interval, so their characterisation is lousy and especially Nana Patekar's character has been poorly etched. Rekha has so much paint on her face that she could well be the brand ambassadoress for Asian paints.

Over the years, Ram Gopal Verma has got all the right ideas but only great ideas alone don't make great films. Merriam-Webster defines Artistic as showing imaginative skill in arrangement or execution and RGV fails disasterously on this count. No one expected 'BHOOT' to be an 'Evil Dead' or a 'Scream' but the worst part is that Veerana's Yasmine or Sony's Aahat have more horror to them than Bhoot.

And to top it all the numbering of the film starts with RGV warning that the film is not meant for pregnant woman and the weak-hearted. This could qualify as the biggest over-statement of the new millenium. Looks like RGV himself has a heart of a Rabbit...

Perfectly Avoidable, Would sink without a trace.

Shouldn't run beyond a couple of weeks.

Hawa -> Review

7th July 2003

Hawa

I could not catch 'Jaani Dushman' this weekend on TV but what i was eventually able to watch would be more than a fair match to 'Jaani Dushman'. Believe it or not, I committed the crime of watching a Guddu Dhanoa film... and that too in a cinema hall. You guessed it, I watched 'Hawa'.

Last week I thought that there couldn't be anything worse than watching 'Main prem ki...' in a theater but today i can safely say, I was 'horribly' wrong and I suspect that but for Tabu, 'Hawa' is perfect morning show material.

I wonder what is the reason that Ghosts(evil spirits) in hindi or, for that matter, English films always tend to be male and the sufferers female. I think it wont be any difficult to digest a 'Bhoot-ni' and a male victim than what is the trend today.

Now for some description of Hawa's 'bhoot'. No, I'm not talking about Guddu Dhanoa, I'm talking about the reel life 'bhoot'. This 'bhoot' was an aadivaasi in the corporeal form who had been tortured to death by some fellow aadivaasi's (again no aadivaasin's involved). One fine day Lightning strikes at the point where he has been buried and voila, the Mega-Volts of electricity help this trapped 'rooh' to manifest itself in a bhoot. You see Guddu Dhanoa has already learnt to harness lightning's energy and has put it to good use. If only he could have helped and given some tips to Delhi Vidyut Board, it would have atleast ensured uniterrupted power supply during the monsoons. Anyway, as a 'bhoot' this 'aadivasi' is quite hep, his driving skills could put Schumacher to shame and his libido could put ~anyone~ to shame.

The problem with 'Hawa' is that basically it's director hasn't heard about a thing called script, leave alone a cohesive script. So we have foreigners who talk in hindi when frightened, a tibetan lady who keeps making an appearence out of nowhere and who is more wooden than wood, a parapsychologist(exorcist???) who reads in Hinglish out of what appears to be a distinctively moslem text, and a psychologist who is a part time osteologist and a ghost who breaks window panes and makes disgusting voices when not chasing Tabu.

And the climax(of the movie ;-), i.e) has to be seen to be believed, I was in splits. What prompted Guddu Dhanoa to end the movie as he did, I dont know, but the guy is smart enough to have left some scope for a sequel... Although personally I feel a Prequel would have helped.

One last thing, the promos of the movie advised 'do not watch it alone', I'm still trying to figure out, WHY??? The only plausible explanation is that its a neat way to sell some extra tickets, but that way, wouldn't have it been better to promote the tag line 'watch it with your family' !!!

God Knows...(and Guddu Dhanoa knows...)

Enjoy

COMING SOON: 'The psychology of hindi film bhoot'...28th July

Zameen -> Review

29th Sep 2003

Here is a short review for those of you who might be planning to watch
Zameen.

Zameen

One has always associated the banner of N R Pachisia with 'formula' films. Remember Sunny Deol's Ziddi, Ajay Devgan's Haqeeqat and Govinda's Khuddar. To begin with, an important thing to note here is that this 'formula' changes with the changing times. It used to be romance a few years back but it is patriotism these days. The perils associated with making a 'formula' film are numerous. But primarily it is the fact, that right from reel one, the audience knows what to expect. What separates the winner from tha also-ran are what I call the two T's, 'Twist and Treatment'.

Rohit Shetty is a debutante director, which means there is no burden of history on his shoulders. The story is a pot-pourri of various real life incidents involving terrorist violence. So the hijacking in the plot is strikingly similar to the IC 814 hijacking, the depiction of a well-settled professor as a perpetrator of violence is Akshar Dham and the main villain 'Zaheer baba' is a takeoff on Masood Azhar and Ghazi Baba. All this could have looked stale but fortunately it isn't the case. It strikes a cord instead. The Reason : Treatment.

Ajay Devgan (Colonel Ranvir Singh Ranawat) is a Colonel in the army involved in anti insurgency operations in Kashmir who nabs a major terrorist leader (Zaheer Baba). The terrorist group plans a hijacking to get their leader released. The plotting is done in Pakistan and in Mumbai. Enter Abhishek Bachchan (Jai, ACP of Mumbai) who happens to be a failed Army officer (fired by the Colonel). His would be wife, Bipasha Basu (Nandini) is an Air Hostess on the hijacked flight. Plenty of Twists, I must add. The Army plans a sting operation and rescues all the passengers, smashes Pakistani's and kills Zaheer Baba, all this in Adilabad, PoK. And that too, in ~two~ reels. Call it popcorn patriotism or pulp fiction, I don't care. Formula films are meant to be 'feel good' films and I felt good after seeing it.

What works in favour of 'Zameen' is the fact that such films often tend to preach a lot, Zameen too does that but never goes overboard. The director perhaps realizes the fact that everything that he shows is impractical and doesn't justify it too much. Therefore, the Prime Minister in the movie readily agrees to the sting operation even before Ajay Devgan has finished his two and a half dialogues. 'Zameen' has some snappy editing, it is gripping throughout. Background music definitely deserves a mention. Action sequences are first rate.

Performance wise, Ajay Devgan steals the how. Ajay Devgan is at the peak of his abilities, whatever he touches, turns to gold these days. He is remarkable as the Army Colonel. His sheer appearance in the frame raises the intensity. Abhishek Bachchan's role is second fiddle to that of Devgan. And it comes out very naturally. Abhishek Bachchan, although, is more than adequate. The chemistry between the cop and the army officer is cracking. A MUST SEE. Not much to do for Bipasa Basu but she is the perfect show-piece nevertheless. (BTW Amrita Arora is an eyesore in her 'item' number)

Zameen might not have anyhing for the connoisseur but for the 'typical' hindi movie aficionado (myself included), it is good enough because for them, few pleasures can rival watching a slickly made 'formula' film on an otherwise dull Saturday evening.

Off the Context, I would like to put a question. For many-many years, Pakistan has been a villain in our movies but we never took its name. It was always mentioned as 'padosi mulk'. But perhaps with Border or definitely with Sarfarosh, we started naming it explicitly. On one side, we talk of building people to people bonds and on the other, we keep on depicting them as a nation of half-wits. Would just like you guys to think that is it the right thing? Surely, one can be a patriot without bashing Pakistan or is our sense of patriotism limited to proving that we are righteous and a better culture than them. Time for film industry to grow up...

BOOM -> Review

22nd September 2003

'B O O M'

Coming straight to the point, 'Boom' is a landmark film. 'Fashion world meets the under world' is a definitely a different track, one which has never been tried before. It is incredible and it is preposterous. And after watching the two+ hours movie, it left me nonplussed.

I was in a daze. Yes, Boom is definitely a landmark film, a landmark in idiotism, one which would be impossible to surpass. You thank your stars that such a story has never been tried before, And yes, it is incredibly stupid. Everyone associated with Boom (including Amitabh
Bachchan) deserve a kick in the back.

It is usual not to get any tickets in current if it is a Amitabh Bachchan movie. So I didn't think much of buying tickets in 'black' but when the guy
who sold me the tickets himself told me that Boom was no great shakes but for the skin show), I was taken aback. So I went in with no expectations out of it. But the magnitude of this disaster called Boom was so huge that I still came out disappointed. Just imagine for one second, you go in with no expectations and still come out disappointed. Over the years I have watched a ~lot~ of movies, but I can safely say that I haven't seen something as bad as Boom. Yes, 'Guddu' was better.

Summarily, Boom is a story of three supermodels (with some sundry
names) and three underworld dons Bade Miyan(Big B), Medium(Gulshan Grover) and Chote Miyan(Jackie shroff) and the sidekick Shankar(Jaaved 'pelvic thrust' Jaffery). How they get involved is a rather unimaginative plot about some lost diamonds which cost an equally obscene amount. Aesthetically, the film doesn't deserve any remarks
since it signifies nothing.

If I say Boom is 'High on hype and low on content', that would be the biggest understatement of this rather new century, but one, which would be difficult to beat nevertheless. Boom has no content at all. Some people might say that it is atleast glossy, I would beg to differ. It is pure crap. And some would say that it is abstract, I'd rather have those guys in lunatic asylums because it is cheap and it is vulgar .

THERE IS NO ART, NO SUBSTANCE, NO SOUL, NO GLOSS, NO CONTENT AND NO SENSE IN BOOM.

And one more thing, the greatest sin that can be done while making a movie is to cast Amitabh Bachchan and then have nothing to do for him. Amitabh Bachchan is in a role which could have been played easily by MacMahon. What a shame, how low the Big B has stooped for money...

Amitabh Bachchan is arguably, one of the two, most over-exposed actors of our time (other one being Abhishek Bachchan) and he is failing his fans day in and day out by doing things like this...

Stay at home and watch "kyunki saas bhi...". It is infinitely better
than Boom.

Tere Naam -> Review

25th Aug 2003

A brief review for those of you who might be planning to watch 'Tere Naam'

'Tere Naam'

The record breaking opening of 'Tere Naam' ensured that one couldn't get its ticket in 'current' for the first week atleast. One can't be sure about the old adage 'better late than never' when it comes to some of the over-hyped hindi films in recent times but to ones relief in 'Tere Naam's case, it
infact, is true.

'Tere Naam' revolves around 'Raadhe Mohan' (Salman Khan), the Peter Pan, the brat with a heart of gold, the college 'dada' who falls for 'Nirjara' (Bhumika), the daughter of a priest and their 'unfortunately... true love story'.

As a Movie, 'Tere Naam' is a mixed bag with its fair share of shortcomings. And with a climax like Tere Naam has, its bound to be compared to QSQT and 'Ek Duje Ke Liye' and therin, lies the single biggest failure of director Satish Kaushik. The chemistry between Salman and Bhumika never becomes sparkling enough (although the vibes are there) to be as compelling as shown, atleast from the girls side. Kaushik has been failed by his team of musicians, the songs are decent but needed to be great to have the sort of impact that would have made the difference. Moreover there could have been better ways to show the pain rather than 'Shripur Aarogyadhaam', the 'refuge' of the mentally sick. And to top it all, the film is promoted as 'Unfortunately...a true love story', but at the end one gets to know that it is all fictitious... a let down of sorts!!!

So, where does 'Tere Naam' score ??? One word answer - Salman Khan. Salman Khan is brilliant as 'Raadhey', rarely on Indian screen has an actor(besides the BIG B of course!!!) been able to bring so much conviction and emotion to a character. The role has fitted Salman to the 'T'. As a college
'gunda', as a soppy lover and then as an obsessed lover, as a mentally sick patient, Salman Khan has delivered the peformance of a lifetime...

Watch it for Salman Khan...

Armaan -> Review

26th May 2003

After many failed attempts I managed to catch the 10:30 Show of Armaan
the past Saturday and i write here a short review of the movie for
those who may be planning to watch the movie.

Armaan is a story woven around a hospital in a town called 'Chandipur'
which I suspect has been the land of many other films. But what makes
Armaan's 'Chandipur' special is that it stretches from Mussoorie and
Mauritius to South Africa, so naturally it encompasses all the
landscapes: hills, plains, waterfalls, lakes, farms et-cetera
et-cetera. The main protagonists of the movie are all doctors whereas
the antagonist(s) are not, which makes one think whether the 'hidden'
message of the movie is that you have to be a doctor to be nice and
rational and if you aren't, there is something terribly wrong with
you.

Anyway, Amitabh Bachchan plays Dr. Siddharth Sinha who runs the
Hospital. What??? A Hospital in 'Chandipur'!!! and that too complete
with neurosurgeons 'n all, As far as my memory serves me 'Chandipur'
only had Dacoits and evil landlords but now it has a hospital. Imagine
how many lifes could have been saved if there had been a hospital in
'Chandipur' ever since we started making films but.... alas the
patients of 'Chandipur' always had to be taken to the hospital of the
nearest 'shehar' and that too by a bullock-cart and that too at
night... Oh God! what a revolutionary idea to have a hospital in
'Chandipur' of all places, God bless Honey Irani!!!

Dr. Akash Sinha played by Anil Kapoor is the adopted son of the Big B.
Dr. Akash Sinha is a hugely gifted and an equally busy neurosurgeon. I
say gifted because in all the operations he does, the patient has a
very remote chance of survival (upto a maximum of 5%) but he always
comes out with flying colors. And I say 'busy' because it looks like
the people of 'Chandipur' are extremely prone to brain
tumors(endemic???), so Dr. Akash Sinha is perenially busy, infact when
his wife Soniya Kapoor (Preity Zinta) presents her with two tickets to
Switzerland, he refuses to accompany her. Why??? because he has to
perform 9 operations in the next 15 days and cant spare time for
Switzerland(and importantly Preity Zinta), what dedication!!!

Here, It is important to mention the role of Dr. Neha Mathur (played
by Gracy Singh of lagaan fame(???)) who is a part of Dr. Akash Sinha's
Surgical Team and is a anaesthesist par excellence herself. Dr. Akash
Sinha and Dr. Neha Mathur are romantically involved with each other
before the script demands that Dr. Akash marry Soniya Kapoor who
incidentally is the daughter of one Gulshan Kapoor(Randhir Kapoor),
and Gulshan Kapoor is one of the ten richest Indians in the world but
as the script would have it, he also looks like one of the ten most
stupid Indians in the world and the most idle tycoon in the world.

It would be unfair to reveal the story(or the lack of it) of the film
but generally speaking Preity Zinta looks like an ideal candidate for
Vandana Luthra's weight reduction programmes and Anil Kapoor a
candidate for her age reduction programme. Coming to Gracy Singh, she
never looks good but this time the problem is compounded by her lack
of acting abilities. Otherwise, she needs a shave as badly as I do on
my Driving License photograph. The songs featuring Gracy Singh and
Anil Kapoor look like an attempt by middle aged people to re-live
their youth.

Performance-wise, Preity Zinta in this hyperactive 'made for Urmila'
role is irritating at times, As for Gracy Singh, the lesser said the
better, Anil Kapoor is adequate and infact does justice to his
character. And there is a certain Dr. Sanjay who lends a freshness to
the film, his is a likeable cameo in the film. And now coming to the
man himself, The Big B has got three and a half scenes in the film and
little room to perform as he is dead even before the intermission (you
know the director is apologetic about this as Big B's ghost keeps
making a presence post-interval). But in these three and a half
scenes, He delivers your moneys value and especially in the
'waterfall' sequence which is a must-see for all Bachchan fans as you
get the glimpses of the genius that makes Amitabh Bachchan what he
is... Amazing....

All in all you won't return disappointed if your expectations are
reasonable. Passable stuff

Comments/Reactions welcome...
Ankur

Meri Hospital Yatra...

(All the sketches are screwed up, if you happen to be at this link and want the real sketches, drop a line!!!)

I dedicate this series to my good old friend Nagrajan, who has this innate capability of weaving something out of nothing...A tribute to his seminal work 'Madangir ka Pappu'....



Regards

Ankur



An Extended Weekend...

I had the unfortunate experience of spending 4 days and 3 nights(no expenses paid) in 'Saroj Hospital'. Actually, the dusty climate of our beloved city had its toll on me as a stone formed in my kidney out of all the dust that i inhaled over the past few days. I had severe pain on Saturday Morning and since our family doctor had gone to get his 'International Driving License', I had to go to this hospital (I now wish that if he ever gets to use this license, its in Rwanda or

Senegal or Afghanistan...).



The Doctor who did the initial diagnosis was a very interesting character, while giving me the first injection of the day he asked me

whether it was the first time i was experiencing such pain. I replied that i had a similar pain on the other side a couple of years back and with a look on his face that could have put Einstein's look, when revealing his theory of relativity, to shame, he said as if it was the greatest discovery of the 21st century..."iska matlab dard doosri baar ho raha hai..." I haven't still figured out what should have been my emotions after hearing this, whether they should have been of pain or even deeper pain.



Anyway, when even after two injections i didn't get any relief, i was given an injection of size which i had previously seen only in movies (the sort of injections that are given to horses but thankfully, the needle wasn't that big...). And this time the effect was instant, even before i knew i was fast asleep.



I got up in the evening only to know that majority of my relatives had already visited me and the papayas were already overflowing in the room. I also had a slight pain in the back of my left palm which i realised was due to a needle through which glucose was being administered to me. By this time i was feeling very hungry and mercifully the dinner was served at 7:00. On the trencher I found two relatively large bowls and a smallish bowl and a couple of toothpicks.



____________________________________

<---

dal dalia <---

__ __

' ' ' ' _

' ' ' ' (_)

' ' ' ' ^

'__' '__'

Custard

____________________________________

(A conscious effort has been made to reproduce the exact

(scaled)dimensions)





The larger bowls contained 'dal ka paani' and 'dalia' and the smaller one contained custard. Since I generally abhor 'dalia' I returned it instantly without a thought(literally) and the Ward-boy accepted it most gleefully as if he was aware of the mistake that i had committed. When it was 7:15 and i didn't start my dinner, the Nurse asked me the reason and as it was, I told her that I was waiting for the chapattis to arrive, but to my utter dismay, i was informed that i was on a 'soft diet' and there were no chapatis for me and those (now)two bowls were the only dinner that i would get. From thereon i am on much better terms with 'dalia' but one mystery that remains till date is what can be toothpicks used for if the only food that you are having is essentially liquid in nature.



Anyway since at the time i was admitted there were no private rooms available in the hospital, I was forced to stay in a room on a twin-sharing basis. The other 'patient' was a much older and a retired man who was supposedly the 'sanchalak' of a 'shaakha'. There was a new visitor every 10 minutes and the lady with this old man was very keen to explain the entire developments that led this guy to hospital. I trust my memory and reproduce what i can remember...



"chaar baje uthe the bilkul theek thaak, apna saadhe chaar baje naha-dho ke nikle hain bilkul theek thaak, apna theek thaak mandir gaye hain aur saadhe paanch baje waapis aaye hain theek thaak, fir saadhe paanch baje gaye hain shaakha pe aur saat baje wahan se waapis aaye hain saat baje bilkul theek thaak aur fir saadhe saat tak akhbaar padhi hai, naashta kiya hai aur aath baje bachchon ko school chorr ke aaye hain bilkul theek thaak fir chai pee hai aur pravachan suna hai nau baje tak. sharma ji ke yahan goshthi thi saadhe nau baje wahan gaye hain aur wahan se saadhe gyaarah baje aaye hain waapis bilkul theek thaak, dedh ghanta soye hain aur ek baje bilkul theek thaak uthe hain aur dupahar mein bachchon ko school se leke aaye hain aur do baje bilkul theek thaak bachchon ke saath khaana khaaya hai..."



Going by their faces, by then almost every one lost interest in the story and as for me i felt like tearing my hair off as i had to hear this story atleast 20 times... I even tried to pick my glucose bottle and sit outside the room till the visiting hours of the hospital got over but somehow, better sense (or my moms orders) prevailed... but if anyone of you is still interested in knowing the entire story of our elderly patient, he fainted at 8:30 in the evening...



Finally I was shifted to a new room which looked like...



____________

Door papaya-stand

---- --------------

W

i

__ ----------- n

s ----I ( )

e G _ __ _ _

t l { / \ A

t u ~~~~~~~//___\\ C

e c U / ~ \ U _ _

_e o

s d

e ___________ o

w

_____ _____

Alm T.V.

ira _____

__h__ \___/





__________________________________



Loo* <--- Exhaust fan+

_ Kabootar-khana







*layout details provided on request





To Be Continued...

Some Ads from a bygone era...

10/03/2004

cinkara

Ye bechara...kaam ke bojh ka maara...ise chahiye cinkara...saare shareer mein chusti aur tandurusti ke liye hamdard ka tonic cinkara

dabur lal daant munjan

bachchon ye hai hamare daanton ki banawat....

raju tumhare daant to motiyon jaise chamak rahe hain...

kyoon na hon masterji... main dabur ka laal dant manjan jo istemal karta hoon...

aur masterji aapke daant....
daanton ki kare hifazat...moti sa chamkaye..dabur laal dunt manjan se..mukhda khil khil jaaye...

Luna

Ye hain Mr. Raam Murari

Afsar hain ye ik sarkari

roz raat takkaam ye karte

fir ghar jaane se the darte

unko soojha ek upaai

agle din ik luna laaye

kaam bhi hain ab poora kar paate

ghar pe zyaada waqt bitate

tumko bhi hai gar sukh paana

shaan se bolo chal meri luna

hajmola

bas bas maa ne pet ke liye diya hai...

masterji bhaago bhaago...

tong tink tonk tink

hajmola sir...

dabur ka hajmola chatpata swaad jhatpata aaraam....

Complan

Ye hai badhta bachcha dekho kaise kood lagaye,ye hai badhta bachcha kapda chota hota jaaye...

I'm a complan boy,

I'm a complan girl

khoob badhaye complan...

prestige

jo biwi se kare pyaar woh prestige se kaise kare inkaar

indana

yaad aa gaya mujhko guzra zamaana...

wo khushbu bheeni bheeni wo zaayka shahaana...

bajaj

jab main chhota bachcha tha...

badi shararat karta tha...

meri chori pakdi jaati...

jab roshnie deta bajaj...
kya bharpur jawaani thi..

ik raja ik rani thi...
ab main bilkul boodha hoon...

goli kha ke jeeta hoon..

lekin aaj bhi ghar ke andar...

jab roshni deta bajaj

glycodin

naya nau din purana sau din...

khaansi ke liye bas glycodin glycodin

iska khaansi pe do tarfa asar...

jaisa pehla tha aaj bhi wahi...

khansi ke liye to ye hi sahi...glycodin

kesari jeevan

saath saal ke boodhe ya saath saal ke jawaan...

inki rag rag mein chusti aur tandurusti ka raaz...

dabur ka kesari jeevan

liril

la la la lalalala lala la la la

mugli ghutti

honge bachche swasth...

fale foolega bachpan...

inhein pilayo mughli ghutti paanch sau pachpan...

bal jeevan ghutti

..........isiliye maa ki mamta ko pyaaribaal jeevan ghutti...

haan baal....

Nirma

Nirma..

washing powder Nirma...

doodh se safedi nirma se aayee..

rangeen kapda bhi khil khil jaaye..

sab ki pasand nirma...

washing powder nirmawashing powder nirma nirma

nirma soap

...Arre Deepika ji aayieee........

magar aap to woh hamesha mehangi wali tikiya...

leti thi...magar agar wahi kaam wahi safedi kum daam mein mile...to koi woh kyoon le...

maan gaye...

kise...

aapki paarkhi nazar aur nirma super donon ko....

Vicco Turmeric

Badde naazon se paalee hamaaree banno.

Tujhe dulhan banaye re pyaaree banno.

Tujhe haldi ka uptan lagaayen sakheeaan.

Teri kaya ko komal banaye sakheeaan.

Teri sakheeaan are getting carried away singing and dancing

OK soap

Scene 1: Two men cycling together and discussing world affairs....

Man 1 : Arre yeh toe bahut bada hai! Zaroor mehnga hoga!

Man 2: Nahi yaar! Bilkul mehenga nahi hai. Naha ke toe dekh!!

Scene 2: Man 2 in the shower with a gulaabee (pink) OK soap in his hand...Background Music and Voice:Joe OK say nahae kamal sa khil jaaye. OK nahaane ka badaa saabun.

Bobby soap....

after discussing the attributes of the soap....

Woman:Pur ae duss shaa; bobby saabun da ke paah?

Man:Sun mereeye billow; bobby dus rupeeyeh killo!

Shikakaayee Kesh Tel

Bharjaaee-jee Mubaarkan!

Kaa diyaan?

Ae baalaan te kedha mantar phereaa je;

kinne kaale te lumbey ho gaye ne!

Ae kamaal shikakaayee kesh tel da ae!

Sona Hawaii chappal

Aapka Naam Sona Ram

Rehte kahan hai Sonipat

khaate kya hain SonHalwa

Pehente kya hain Sona hawaai chappal

wah sab kuch sona hi sona....Sona hawaii chappal

Classic Tooth Brush

Lal Kala Peela...

Gulabi hara Neela...

Classic hai badhia bristle waala...

Classic ka to maza hai nirala...

Pudin Hara???

Maa woh pudine waali dawa do na...

madari ke pet mein bahut dard hai...

Colgate???

Masudon ka dard...pareshaani...

daanton ki sadan...pareshaani...

aapko chahiye colgate ka suraksha chakra jisse daant bane saaf aur masude swasth...

iska swaad bhi kitna achcha hai...

ECE bulb......

bhool be na ni sho bulb ECE bulb...

ae takra bhool na jaana

o bhaape bhool na jaana ece...

jyaada de ujaala...dinodin chalne waala.... ECE bulb or ECE tube..

(6 (12?) bulb dena.......saare ghar ke badal daloonga...)

Harrison Locks...

harrison lohe ka bhi taala

harrison peetal ka bhi taal

harrison godown ka shutter ka

door lock..cycle ka taala...

sabhi zarooraton ke liye harrison taale

Linc Locks

Sirf apni hi chaabi se khulte hain linc taale...

corfom

na hi bahut sakht na ye bahut narm...

na sard mein sard na garmi mein garm...

ye hai corfom...

ye hai corfom...

Colgate tooth powder

Wah bhaiyya badan ke liye doodh badaam or daanton ke liye koyla....khurdre padarth daanton ki....

Melody toffee...

melody itni choclatee kaisi banee...melody khaao khud jaan jao...

Singer

Sing a singer song and you got a singer along...its a singer...singer...for your morning...singer... for your evening......

Pan parag

par hum aapse ek baat kehna to bhool hi gaya...

lightning strikes...

ghabtaiye nahin...humein kuch nahin chahiye....bas baaraatiyon ka swagat pan parag se hona chahiye...

o ho...humein kya maloom aap bhi pan parag ke shokeen hain....hmmm...paan parag

Relaxo..

uii maa...

kya hua munne ki maa...

chappal toot gayi...

tumhein kitni baar kaha hai sirf relaxo hawaaii chappal hi pehna karo????relaxo...relaxo pehno subah or shaam...paaon ko de aaraam...relaxxxoooooooo......

Jai soap

pehla pyar...

laaye jeevan mein bahaar...

jab tan se chooye...

kayin baatein kahe...

pehla pyaar...

laaye jeevan mein bahar....

old spice...

fon fon fon fon....

fon fon fon fon...

fon fon fon fon fon fon fon fon fon....

fon fon fon fon...

Lijjat papad....

karram kurram...

kurram karram...

hee hee hee hee lijjat papad

sri mahila griha udyog of somewhere ka lijjat papad...

Down With The Men In Blue - III

Down With The Men In Blue - III

I write (19/02/2003):

First and foremost is the point that i tried to make with my mail was that after all for heavens sake, its just a "GAME", lets not waste our 'patriotic energy' (again it might not be a usual term, but you all can guess what i mean...) on something like cricket...

1) Do you really believe that Sourav Ganguly & Co are happy that they are losing?

if i give YOU a Rs. 100 crore contract for five years which is in no way related to your performance, wouldn't your motivation (and plz these guys are professional cricketers, supposed to earn their living by cricket) be affected in how-so-ever smallest way...

2) Do you sometimes have a lean trot at your work or at your club level game or in your personal life, which lasts longer than you would like it to? And this despite your trying your best to overcome it?

is it a lean trot when we lose or a purple patch when we win... our teams ODI record stands testimony to this fact, i dont have to say much on this...

3) If at the end of two matches, one which India has won, and one which it has lost to Australia (who are incidentally favorites to win the World Cup, and perhaps one of the greatest teams ever in the modern day cricketing world) if we are to lose heart so early and easily, aren't we the biggest " losers " of all ourselves? Who are we to blame our cricketers for developing a 'loser' mind-set?

Again, its not the fact that they lost but they manner in which they lost, not played the full quota of fifty overs for the last nine matches... honestly i never felt our team have it in them to win the world cup (although i'd love to eat my words for once) but there are ppl who get carried away with all the hype created by the media around our rather modest team... I forgive these ppl... its a natural reaction...

4) Do you give India 0% chance of winning the World Cup after the defeat against Australia? If you have even an iota of faith in your team, should you be whining, cursing and complaining all the time?

I for one would be still going to see the Ind Vs Eng match on a big screen, its a game after all...

5) Why do you grudge your players their product endorsements, and commercial rights to earn their living? Unlike the majority of us who have a regular secure long-term occupations, they have a limited span of career (often cut short by injury - look at Jonty Rhodes, or form, selection politics, others, a la Shane Warne) to make their life earnings. And everyone does not become a TV commentator or a columnist. Would you give up your right to earn a legitimate income when you are being offered the same on a silver platter? Is being rich and successful a crime?
I'd like to quote a friend here... "When I pay money for something, I better get most out of it. Its like this, someone comes at ur door to get some donation 'coz s/he couldn't eat for several days. You give a pity on that person and give some money. later u find out that your money was misused in any way but not to fill the stomach, would u give money to the next person who comes at ur door? Probably not." (Thanx Manish) not Exactly but this could be analogous to the ads and for the products they promote... if you buy them because of the goodwill of these players... and they keep on losing, i think the guy concerned is justified in feeling cheated (maybe the goods are as good as the cricketers)...confession time -> I never bought a product because a cricketer endorsed it... but it is quite frustrating to see the very first ad that apppears after Sehwags dismissal from an atrocious stroke is the Reliance ad starring Sehwag playing a match winning stroke

6) Hasn't the same Indian team, with a similar team composition, done us proud right until the disastrous tour of New Zealand? Everyone scoffed and sniggered at the West Indies sometime back and look how happening they suddenly look? Don't we have the maturity to understand the volatilities and slumps and plateaus that can happen to both form and performance at any given time? Is losing a cardinal sin? How about discussing the amazing skills of the Aussies and the sunny spirit of the Dutch?

Great Point... how i wish many of us could be mature enough to discuss cricket as a GAME but all of us know that passions run so high that its definitely more than a game...we are a nation devoid of heroes...politicians are scamsters, filmstars have underworld links, Social workers are scoffed at, managed to win two bronze medals in the last two olympics... many ppl look upto cricketers as an expression of their aspirations of being a world beating nation...naturally the passions and the stakes both are high...

7) Do we appreciate the way the South African public is handling their disappointment so far, hosts and favorites, and yet facing the prospect of not making it to the Super Six? It's easy to say that they have played good cricket but a loss is still a loss. By the way, the Indians under Mohd Azharuddin were playing outstanding cricket too (in fact, they had just earlier played a phenomenal game to beat Pakistan in Bangalore)but we were so unforgiving when they lost to the Sri Lankans, and that too in the semi-finals? So where do we draw the line between sanity and senility?

Firstly Cricket is not that big a thing in SA (and i suspect even Rugby might not be as huge as cricket is in India), as i just wrote before most of the people do not understand that its just a game...

8) Are you aware of the fact that the Brazilian team was not even likely to qualify for the World Cup in soccer, but eventually ended up winning it last year? In the last cricket World Cup, Australia came back from the abysmal dumps to win seven matches in a row to win the title when the were facing the prospect of an early elimination? Remember the Pakistan victory in 1992? Or at best, our own in 1983? Do you then concur that a difficult beginning often prepares you for tougher matches at a later stage?

How all of us would love if our (lopsided) heroes manage this feat... but infact its the realization that nothing of this sort could ever happen to our men that there is so much frustration...

9) When you are going through a bad patch, what encourages and motivates you? Someone who humiliates you further, rubs salt into your wounds, castigates you incessantly, and reminds you of the consequences of your failure? Or someone who tells you to move on, and inspires you to believe in your abilities, and to treat every failure as a stepping-stone to further success? And that finally it is a sport - a game - and a gentleman's game at that - even today. What do you think is the Indian team expecting from us when they are perceptibly struggling?

Even after the disastrous tour of New Zealand, people were so enthusiastic, there were 20 ft bats with 100,000 signatures, all sorts of music videos, all channels beaming good luck messages...the hype created an unbridled optimism...no one felt the need to dissect indias chances dispassionately... but when the inevitable happened and reality began to sink in... this backlash was bound to happen... blame it on the media, mob mentality whatever... ppl feel they are being cheated when they see these ads... try to understand that by nature we are an emotional country... we take our decisions with our heart and not our minds (remember the IC814 hijacking)...

10) Should the team bounce back and put up a great show, will those of us who have accused them of self-profiteering, deliberate intent to lose, and all sorts of uncharitable remarks, seek to compensate them for the same? Will the same people go to Mohd Kaif's house and paint it white again? Will we start doing a victory procession after every match to express our solidarity for the team? Or will we suddenly become the next biggest turn coats in town, and say, "They are playing better because of the pressures they knew we were giving them" ???

what happened at Kaif's house was a reprehensible act... but as i said we are emotional country and pardon me, emotional ppl by definition are fools... most of us would forget what happened as if it were a bad dream and it'll be like nothing ever happened and we always were the greatest side in the world, as i said emotional ppl are fools and when they are optimists too... its a rather strange concoction... dont worry too much about what we'll do if this or that happens, we live in the present doing everyting in the heat of the moment, past doesnt bother us and future doesnt perturb us...

Ladies and gentlemen, the Indian cricket team needs us now. Our support. Our encouragement. Our motivation.

Bravo...

Down With The Men In Blue - II

Down With The Men In Blue - II

Rajan replies (19/02/2003):

10 QUESTIONS FOR THE PEOPLE OF INDIA

I read with much consternation, dismay and disgust - but hardly withoutmuch surprise - the reprehensible conduct of our countrymen followingIndia's abject surrender to the Australians in the World Cup tie atCenturion, South Africa. Burning effigies, throwing black paint on Mohd Kaif's house andshouting slogans against the Indian captain. All across India, within aspace of just two matches, we have behaved like a banana republic, anover-sensitive, highly reactionary country with a false sense ofsuperiority.

This has become trademark Indian behaviour - petulant, peevish and puerile senselessness. I am so glad the Aussie tie did not happen in anyof the Indian grounds; imagine the mayhem and madness that wouldaccompany an Indian catastrophe? Who will forget our patheticdemonstrations of our love forcricket, at the famed Eden Gardens on the dark night of the semi-finalsagainst Sri Lanka in the 1996 World Cup? Or the infantile response recently when the West Indies surprised us in the ODIs in India?

Quite simply, we have become a country without inspirational idols, andare therefore desperately seeking refuge in the cricketing heroes. Inthe field of entertainment, politics, fashion, music, social affairs andthe like, we have not discovered that magic touch, those magneticpersonalities thatmake us want to see more of them. Those we believe in. Those we trust.Cricket and sports has that unique combination of high profile celebritysuper-achievers and a deluge of patriotic sentiment. It is anintoxicating cocktail. No wonder we behave like a puppy with two tails when India wins. And then we cry like kindergarten kids whose candy accidentally fell offwhen India loses. Come now, Sir, let's grow up. All this talk about the'natural reaction' is humdrum and hollow at best. I pose 10 questions to all of us, and will respectfully publish your answers, whether you agree with me or otherwise:

1) Do you really believe that Sourav Ganguly & Co are happy that theyare losing?

2) Do you sometimes have a lean trot at your work or at your club levelgame or in your personal life, which lasts longer than you would like itto? And this despite your trying your best to overcome it?

3) If at the end of two matches, one which India has won, and one whichit has lost to Australia (who are incidentally favorites to win theWorld Cup, and perhaps one of the greatest teams ever in the modern day cricketing world) if we are to lose heart so early and easily, aren't wethe biggest "losers " of all ourselves? Who are we to blame our cricketers fordeveloping a 'loser' mind-set?

4) Do you give India 0% chance of winning the World Cup after the defeat against Australia? If you have even an iota of faith in your team,should you be whining, cursing and complaining all the time?

5) Why do you grudge your players their product endorsements, andcommercial rights to earn their living? Unlike the majority of us whohave a regular secure long-term occupations, they have a limited span ofcareer (often cut short by injury - look at Jonty Rhodes, or form,selection politics,others, a la Shane Warne) to make their life earnings. And everyone does not become a TV commentator or a columnist. Would you give up your right to earn a legitimate income when you are being offered the same on asilver platter? Is being rich and successful a crime?

6) Hasn't the same Indian team, with a similar team composition, done usproud right until the disastrous tour of New Zealand? Everyone scoffedand sniggered at the West Indies sometime back and look how happeningthey suddenly look? Don't we have the maturity to understand thevolatilities andslumps and plateaus that can happen to both form and performance at anygiven time? Is losing a cardinal sin? How about discussing the amazingskills of the Aussies and the sunny spirit of the Dutch?

7) Do we appreciate the way the South African public is handling theirdisappointment so far, hosts and favorites, and yet facing the prospectof not making it to the Super Six? It's easy to say that they haveplayed good cricket but a loss is still a loss. By the way, the Indiansunder MohdAzharuddin were playing outstanding cricket too (in fact, they had justearlier played a phenomenal game to beat Pakistan in Bangalore) but wewere so unforgiving when they lost to the Sri Lankans, and that too inthe semi-finals? So where do we draw the line between sanity and senility?

8) Are you aware of the fact that the Brazilian team was not even likelyto qualify for the World Cup in soccer, but eventually ended up winningit last year? In the last cricket World Cup, Australia came back fromthe abysmal dumps to win seven matches in a row to win the title whenthe were facingthe prospect of an early elimination? Remember the Pakistan victory in1992? Or at best, our own in 1983? Do you then concur that a difficultbeginning often prepares you for tougher matches at a later stage?9) When you are going through a bad patch, what encourages and motivatesyou? Someone who humiliates you further, rubs salt into your wounds,castigates you incessantly, and reminds you of the consequences of yourfailure? Or someone who tells you to move on, and inspires you tobelieve in yourabilities, and to treat every failure as a stepping-stone to furthersuccess? And that finally it is a sport - a game - and a gentleman's game at that - even today. What do you think is the Indian teamexpecting from us when they are perceptibly struggling?

10) Should the team bounce back and put up a great show, will those ofus who have accused them of self-profiteering, deliberate intent tolose, and all sorts of uncharitable remarks, seek to compensate them forthe same? Will the same people go to Mohd Kaif's house and paint itwhite again? Will westart doing a victory procession after every match to express oursolidarity for the team? Or will we suddenly become the next biggestturn coats in town, and say, "They are playing better because of thepressures they knew we were giving them" ???

Ladies and gentlemen, the Indian cricket team needs us now. Our support.Our encouragement. Our motivation.
ps : As for boycotting the products endorsed by our cricketers.. i fully support ankur(only for the colas)... lets try having a refreshing glass of chilled water for a change.

Down With The Men In Blue!!!

This was written after India's humiliating loss to Australia in WC'03 league stages...

Down With The Men In Blue

Hi

All of us are aware of the fact that how the performance of the Indian cricket team affects the mood swings of an entire nation. Where a victory on Sunday evening can increase productivity manifold on a monday, a morale-sapping defeat can ruin an entire week. In this light, the defeat by the hands of Australia was particularly distressing. Its not only the fact, that they went down, but the manner in which they went down which was particularly heart wrenching.

And this is not the first time, public memory in India tends to be very short. Perhaps, its the win-win situation in which our cricketers find themselves responsible for it. It hardly makes a difference to them if India win or lose, As long as Team Samsung, Team Ambition, Men in Blue etc. continue to do well, Team India would not. So lets make our point in whatever small way we can...Let us not buy any products endorsed by the Indian cricket players and cut this bunch of over-rated losers to their size.....

Forward this mail to all of your contacts, maybe in a week we can have a million signatures on this mail and it somehow finds its way to Sales & Marketing of Pepsi etc....perhaps that would then make a difference....

1.Ankur Pruthi

Archives

It seems that my blog would be the natural place where I should archive some of the writing that I've done...

Enjoy,
Ank P