Kolkata Chronicle - II

Aphter libhing in Kolkata phor around one bheek, I habe had a taste of Bengali kulhture. I am Konbhinsed dhat only those Kolkatans who hab a lot of time on their hands use the public transphort, those in a hurry bhalk. All Kolkatans eat Paan, ebhen the elite managers, that is bhy there is a new paan shop aphter ebhery 10 feet. All shops ebhen those selling kirana items sell Paan. I did not goo to the showrooms, perhaps they bhould also be selling paans. Kolkatans argue obher ebherything, the taxi bhaala bhould argue beeth the policeman, the pedestrian bouhld argue beeth the bus driver, the custhomer bhould argue beeth the salesman and the waiter will argue beeth the patron. The other day, I had gone to Reliance vebhworld phor some bhurk, the custhomer bephore me and the lady at the counter argued for halph hour. I came back bithout dhooing my bhurk. Ebheryday I pass that vebhworld, and that lady is albhays arguing.

No Kolkatan borth his salt bhould dribe his own car. All of them hab driver, and they call him driver ji. Kolkatan people slip early in the night. They dhont like to bhurk. They kome to office at taen and leave by phive. Kolkata people love starting konbhersations. So bithin two days, I had discussed so many theengs bith taxi bhallas, phellow diners, shop keepers that I got phed up. Many times thay started in bengali. I asked myself, do i loook like bannerjee, chatterjee, ganguli, das, mondal. Now bherever I go, I tail people "No Bengali, No hindi, No English, Only punjabi". No one talks to me aphter that. Kolkata is an amajhingly Kongested and polluted citee. I dhont want to kome here again. Kolkata people kip their citee bhery dhirty, ebhen dhirtier than delhi. And they gibh directions, ebhen ven they dhont know, much like Delhi. "Tarn Right, Tarn Left, phrom raid light, tarn right again".

Imagine you are so irritated reading these two paragraphs, I'm living through all this for almost a week.

Poor me :(