Calicut Woes

I'm terribly homesick. And the weather is not helping me. Either it rains or it rains even harder. The moment it rains, something stirs me and churns my stomach. I long to be with those whom I love the most.

My loneliness has probably made me much more intense than what I usually am. I've barely smiled in 3 days and have hardly talked to anyone, save my neighbour who happens to be a fellow TG-ite from NSIT. And there is precious little to do otherwise but to attend some silly presentations. There is one going on right now in the auditorium where Toshiba guys are trying to push their laptops.

What I've seen in these 3-4 days, I must say, has not impressed. There is no intensity and its way too laid-back for my comfort. I came here bustling with energy and raring to go but cynicism has started to creep in now. All my doubts and reservations have begun to resurface. And I'm not sure if I'll get what I'm looking for.

I know its in ones best interest to back a decision which one has already made. But as I've wrote earlier somewhere, there's a certain amount of pessimism to my persona these days. I feel culpable for leaving my family behind. I doubt my own faculties. And I'm finding self-reflection tormenting. I've this dreary feeling of loneliness all the time. I'm conscious of my stuation but I'm unable to do anything about it.